Gratitude in the Rubble
The calendar turns to November 1st in a few short days, and you know exactly what that means—an entire month filled with everyone telling us to pause and consider what we’re grateful for.
For some of us, the turning of that calendar page feels a little bittersweet. On one hand, we’re celebrating that we have made it through another month and are one step closer to healing, but, on the other hand, we’re still sifting through the rubble and our feelings. There’s still some anger there, some disappointment, some hurt, some wounds.
While flipping that calendar marks another month we’ve made it, maybe we don’t quite feel like we’re in a place to summon up all the things we’re grateful for.
I get it.
I do.
I know the importance of shifting my focus to the positives, but I also understand the necessity of sitting in the reality of the rubble. That’s what this year feels like for me. If your wounds are still fresh and your healing is still in process, I’d love to invite you to pull up a chair and walk with me this month as we purposely attempt to find gratitude while we’re in the rubble.
Full disclosure—I wanted to title this series “Gratitude when you want to verbally throat punch people,” but I decided that didn’t quite send the right message. So, here we are instead, finding some gratitude while sitting in the rubble. It just seems a little more appropriate.
Gratitude When You’re Still in the Rubble
I’d love to welcome you into this month by simply reminding you that two things can be true at the same time: you can see the good in your world while also acknowledging the devastation. You can find joy while still being angry.
I think we struggle silently with this tension sometimes. Somewhere along the way, we’ve either been taught to always focus on the positive instead of being honest, or we’ve learned that one of these feelings cancels the other one out. And for those of us who are still recovering from the ideals of gold-star Christianity, we’re trying to undo the conditioning that taught us that if our faith is strong and we trust God, surely we would have been healed by now and stopped feeling all of these feelings.
Sorrowful, Yet Always Rejoicing
Life is full of contradictory emotions. In his second letter to the Corinthians, Paul gives us a glimpse of what that looked like in his own life and ministry. After explaining that he and those serving alongside him don’t want to put a stumbling block in anyone’s path, he describes the circumstances in which they continue serving:
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
—2 Corinthians 6:4–10, NIV
It makes sense that we focus on verse 10 because Paul specifically describes being sorrowful and rejoicing at the same time. But look at everything leading up to that statement. He mentions hardships alongside kindness, sleepless nights alongside sincere love, and dishonor alongside glory. His joy exists within a life he’s willing to describe honestly, including the parts that hurt.
Suffering is part of our experience, as is the joy that can walk alongside it. We may have days when one is much easier to recognize than the other.
I find this incredibly comforting, and I hope you do as well. I can easily turn gratitude into just another gold star to put on my sticker chart, just as I can fall into the trap of using it to judge how well I’m healing. This season I don’t want to do that.
I want to be able to acknowledge the things I’m grateful for at the same time as sitting in the hurt and the sorrow of the rubble. Paul’s words give me room to explore both. Sorrow and joy can exist in the same room. Finding something worth celebrating doesn’t mean that we’ve finished grieving, just as feeling grief again doesn’t erase the joy we’ve experienced.
These are important ideas to hold onto as we head into a month filled with gratitude. We can appreciate the friend who checks in while still grieving the relationships we’ve lost. We can enjoy a quiet Sunday morning while still missing the community we lost. We can be thankful we spoke up while still being angry about what it cost us.
These are simply honest descriptions of our complicated lives, and we don’t have to edit any part of them out before we bring them openly to God in this season.
Just One Good Thing
As we begin to look for gratitude in the rubble, maybe we start with something simple. Maybe we start with looking around us today and noticing one good thing that’s still standing in the wreckage. One thing that’s still here. Something good we noticed. Something we still enjoy. Someone who made a hard day a little easier.
Just one thing.
That’s all.
A Little Room for Reflection
When you hear that it’s time to “be grateful,” what comes up for you? Consider any pressure to minimize your hurt or prove you’re healing.
What are two things that are true for you right now—something you’re grateful for and something that still hurts? Give yourself room to name both without explaining either away.
What’s one good thing you can notice today—a person, a small comfort, or something you still enjoy? There’s no requirement for it to be profound. Your coffee counts.
There’s Room for You This Christmas, Too
If you’re heading toward Christmas with some of these same mixed feelings, I wrote There’s Room in the Story with you in mind. This Christmas devotional makes room for you to come to the story as you are—with your hope, your hurt, your questions, and whatever gratitude you can muster. You don’t have to get yourself together before you pull up a chair.
I write in two spaces. A Seat at the Table is where I explore faith, healing, and making room for honesty after it’s been made complicated. Ink & Intention is for writers who want to show up with clarity, discernment, and integrity—especially online.
I’m also the author of Breathing Again and several guided journals, and I work with writers who want thoughtful, grounded support as they find their voice and shape what comes next.
If you’re a writer looking for thoughtful encouragement, practical strategy, and honest conversations about the writing life, you’re also welcome to join us inside The Visible Author Facebook Community.
If something here resonated, you’re welcome to explore more at your own pace. You can find everything in one place at KristenNeighbarger.com.
