Grace for Today. Hope for Tomorrow.
I’ve always been baffled by Tamar’s story. I’m not sure how old I was when the full weight of her story resonated with me, but I’m pretty confident this one wasn’t illustrated on the flannel graph in my Sunday School class. After all, I don’t remember a prostitute character in the flannel graph box. If you don’t know Tamar’s story, the full narrative can be found in Genesis 38.
It’s so much easier to cast judgment instead of offering love, isn’t it? Probably the most quoted scripture relating to judging others is Matthew 7:1-3 (TPT): “Refuse to be a critic full of bias toward others, and you will not be judged. For you’ll be judged by the same standard that you’ve used to judge others. The measurement you use on them will be used on you. Why would you focus on the flaw in someone else’s life and fail to notice the glaring flaws of your own? I’m not sure how old I was when I first heard this scripture be completely taken out of context and used as the reason why it was okay to judge other people, but the gist of the argument was that Jesus never said not to judge here; he just said you will be judged by how you judge others. Because of that faulty logic, these folks used this scripture as the basis for why they had the right to judge others. Hello, “adventures in missing the point!” It’s nice to meet you!
The best thing you can do when dealing with your ex is to seek God and his kingdom first (Matthew 6:33). When I’m practicing the pause, I’m typically praying that God will give me direction and the words to say. I find it’s much more difficult to be nasty to my ex after I’ve spent some time being still and listening to God in these situations.
Let me just say this before I go on: everyone’s situation is different. The majority of my friends are divorced, and most of them remarried. All their situations are vastly different, and all of their exes are as well. It would be unrealistic to think I could give you a formula that will work for every situation, but let me do my best to offer some practical and Jesus-centered advice that has helped me. I hate to even start with this one because some of you might quit reading right here, but, honestly, this is the best way I have found to deal with my ex: Treat them like you want to be treated.
Just as the trees have to shed their leaves in order to gain new ones, sometimes we have to shed parts of ourselves to grow into something bigger and more beautiful.
Kristen Neighbarger 