Reclaiming Our Worth: Healing from Religious Trauma
After my grandma passed away in June, we were tasked with the monumental task of getting her property ready to sell. She was 92–a child of the depression, and, let’s be honest, depression-era thinking is vastly different than our 21st-century thinking that revolves around the instant and the disposable above all else.
I am not depression-era-minded.
After being married for almost two decades to someone who was essentially a hoarder, hoarder-esque environments are a bit of a trigger to me, to say the least. While I wouldn’t classify my grandma as a hoarder exactly, I will say that her depression-era mindset lent itself to some hoarder-like tendencies.
For example, when I cleaned out the garage, I found every single cat food and bird seed bag she had ever purchased as well as every single newspaper delivered to her house, and they were delivered daily. So…that was fun.
While she kept the downstairs of her house organized, the upstairs was completely full, so full that I actually forgot there were three bedrooms up there instead of two. Cleaning out those bedrooms was like being transported back in time because she didn’t throw anything away–including every stray scrap of material she had left over from her countless sewing projects and every item of clothing we would have pitched because of the holes.
In the bins, drawers, and piles, I also found some gems–like the original deed from her house, handwritten from the 1800s, her class ring, and my parents’ graduation announcements and wedding napkin.
There were so many things that were broken, flawed, tarnished, and missing pieces and parts, yet my grandma saw their worth. She kept them because she saw a use for them even when most of us would have thrown them out.
If we aren’t diligent, we can so easily end up unwittingly viewing ourselves like I viewed all the stuff in my grandma’s upstairs–as nothing more than broken junk with no worth.
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Flawed but still Worthy
If I asked you to think of someone who made you feel small, unworthy, and even broken right now, I’m pretty confident most of us could think of someone:
A coach
A teacher
A parent
A frenemy
A sibling
A partner
For some of us, just the thought of that person’s words and treatment is enough to make us shudder and trigger our PTSD.
These are the people we try to avoid–the people whose words and treatment of us we are still attempting to heal from and seeking therapy for.
Despite the fact that we desperately try to avoid this behavior and these relationships in our personal lives, some of us are sitting in churches every Sunday or have this mindset that constantly reminds us and reinforces to us that we’re broken and unworthy.
For full transparency here, I have to admit that I was one of those people who used those phrases often. I can’t tell you how many times I said:
We’re all broken people.
I’m so unworthy of this work God has called me to do.
God uses us in spite of our brokenness.
I’m sure there are more, but those specific phrases are ones I know I have said out loud and written in articles more than once.
I’m not sure when this shift happened exactly, but it has been recent for me because I’m a work in progress and constantly growing just like all of us. One day, not too long ago, it was like God smacked me in the face with the fact that He created me in His image, and He said his creation was very good.
Not only that, but God doesn’t make crap.
He doesn’t create broken, unworthy things.
In Genesis 1:31, Moses reminds us that:
God looked over everything he had made;
it was so good, so very good!
Genesis 1:31 MSG
Do you know what God didn’t say here? He didn’t look over everything He had made and think “This is good, so very good. Oh wait, but not them. Man and woman. Nah. They’re definitely broken and unworthy.”
We could get into a whole theological debate here about the fact that man and woman hadn’t sinned yet, and their sin made them broken and unworthy. Let me just say this, though. After Adam and Eve were deceived by Satan, ate the fruit they weren’t supposed to eat, understood good and evil, felt shame over their nakedness, and went and hid from God, he responded in two ways.
He disciplined them.
Then, he made them leather clothing to replace the fig leaves they had crafted for themselves.
Genesis 3:16-21
God could have responded to this in so many ways.
He could have just wiped them off the face of the earth and started over.
He could have berated them, turned His back on them, and separated Himself from them completely.
He could have been passive-aggressive and made them think they were broken.
He could have constantly reminded them they were unworthy.
He didn’t do any of those things, though.
He meets their very real and literal need.
Were they flawed?
Absolutely.
Were they broken?
No.
Had they sinned?
Undoubtedly.
Did God treat them as unworthy?
Most assuredly not.
So, let me ask you this, then: If God didn’t treat Adam and Even as if they were broken or unworthy, why do we buy into this idea and even perpetuate it?
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Dangerous Theology About Our Worth
Let’s do a little experiment here: Grab a piece of paper and jot down your gut reaction to the term “broken.”
Insert 30-second break!
What words came to your mind?
Here’s what came to my mind:
Beyond repair
Worthless
Trash
Replaceable
Broke down
Frustration
Anger
Disappointment
I don’t know about you, but it makes me shudder to think about God looking at me and seeing any of those things.
The thing is, that theology conflicts with what we know is true about who we are according to the Bible. We’ve already talked about the fact that God created mankind and said they were very good, but that’s a message that continues to resonate throughout the generations.
We see this same message in God’s conversation with Jeremiah:
This is what God said:
“Before I shaped you in the womb,
I knew all about you.
Before you saw the light of day,
I had holy plans for you:
A prophet to the nations—
that’s what I had in mind for you.”
But I said, “Hold it, Master God! Look at me.
I don’t know anything. I’m only a boy!”
God told me, “Don’t say, ‘I’m only a boy.’
I’ll tell you where to go and you’ll go there.
I’ll tell you what to say and you’ll say it.
Don’t be afraid of a soul.
I’ll be right there, looking after you.”
God’s Decree.
God reached out, touched my mouth, and said,
“Look! I’ve just put my words in your mouth—hand-delivered!
See what I’ve done? I’ve given you a job to do
among nations and governments—a red-letter day.
Jeremiah 1:4-10 MSG
We see verse 4 plastered all over wall hangings, tattoos, and mugs, but I wanted to include more of this conversation between Jeremiah and God for a reason.
Jeremiah is doubting his worth here.
He’s questioning how it is that God is going to use him–a mere boy.
But, God’s response is classic.
He doesn’t tell Jeremiah that he has to earn his worth or fix his brokenness before God can use him or love him.
Just the opposite, actually.
God tells Jeremiah He had plans for Jeremiah before he was even in his mother’s womb.
Jeremiah had worth and a purpose before he even had a heartbeat.
And, that’s true for each and every one of us.
How do I know that?
Because in Matthew, Jesus is recorded as saying:
You can buy two sparrows for only a copper coin, yet not even one sparrow falls from its nest without the knowledge of your Father. Aren’t you worth much more to God than many sparrows? So don’t worry. For your Father cares deeply about even the smallest detail of your life.
Matthew 10:29-31 TPT
And, then again in Matthew, Jesus is recorded as saying:
“If any of you had a lamb that fell into a ditch on the Sabbath, wouldn’t you reach out your hand and lift it out? Isn’t a man much more valuable than a lamb? So of course, it’s always proper to do miracles, even on the Sabbath.”
Matthew 12:11 TPT
God has created us with innate worth and value. He cares about us, about every detail of our lives–regardless of our flaws and imperfections, regardless of how many times we find ourselves falling out of the nest like that sparrow or lost and in the ditch like that lamb.
Sometimes, I think we want to add our own asterisks into scripture or onto the definition of grace, but the reality is that there are no asterisks, so in Lamentations 3:22 (MSG) when Jeremiah says, “God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up,” there are no exceptions.
Just as there are no exceptions when Paul tells us that:
There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love. There is no power above us or beneath us—no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One!
Romans 8:39 TPT
If we’re not careful with this verse, we can get caught up on the end of this verse without recognizing the importance of the beginning–there is nothing we can do that will weaken God’s love for us. There is no power that can distance us from God’s love for us.
Just like God sought out Adam and Even in the garden and clothed them after they ate the fruit, He will do the same for us, and He will do it without seeing us as broken or unworthy.
Changing from Broken to Worthy
I know it’s easy to fall into that Christianese habit of saying “We’re all broken” or “We’re so unworthy,” but it’s time we rewrite the narrative.
It’s time we change our verbiage and our thought process, and quit seeing ourselves and each other as broken and unworthy, and instead start seeing ourselves and each other as God sees us–as good, very good.
A little flawed, maybe, but still good and still worthy.
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Reflections:
How do you typically view your worth?
How does this idea that God’s love and mercy never end and that nothing can affect how much God loves you change your perspective?
How does this idea that God created us as “very good” affect your perception of yourself and others?
