Reclaiming Our Voices: Healing from Religious Trauma
It was the Christmas concert for vocal music during my senior year of high school, and I was supposed to be singing all the songs. I was in everything–Concert Choir, Show Choir, Women’s Quartet, a trio, and I was supposed to sing a solo too.
I’m not that good–it was a small school!!
The week of the concert arrived at the same time as my laryngitis.
I was prone to bronchitis when I was a kid, and it followed me into my teens and early adult life as well. This happened to be one of those times when it hit me with a vengeance. The day before the concert I carried around a giant mug of tea and honey and could barely squeak out a sound.
The day of the concert wasn’t much better. I could sing a little, but not without my voice completely failing at random times. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out.
It was so frustrating and discouraging.
I knew the music.
I was prepared.
I had something to contribute.
But, my voice was completely silenced.
And, it wasn’t the only time this happened to me in life. I spent much of my life being silenced by religion as well, even though I was educated, prepared, and had something to contribute.
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Finding a Voice to Combat Silence, Euphemism, and Circumlocution
I was first introduced to Elaine Showalter, a prominent literary critic and feminist, when I was a literature major in college. I had a professor whose exams were “fill in the blanks” which meant I had to memorize an insane amount of material if I wanted to pass his classes–and he taught a ton of my classes. The Elaine Showalter quote that showed up on every exam was one where she explains that “women writers and characters have been denied the full access to language and been forced into silence, euphemism, and circumlocution.”
Silence: prohibited or prevented from speaking
Euphemism: a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.
Circumlocution: the use of many words where fewer would do, especially in a deliberate attempt to be vague or evasive.
While Showalter’s discussion focused on female writers and characters, her truths were, sadly, prevalent in churches and faith communities in the late 90s and are still, shockingly, present in many of them today–in both the language that surrounds women in the church and the practices of churches themselves.
Most of us can probably think of ways we’ve either seen women silenced in the church or heard about women being silenced in other churches. For me, these were some of the more glaring examples:
Women weren’t allowed to speak from the stage unless they were in a play.
Women weren’t allowed to teach males over the age of 18.
Women weren’t allowed to be in leadership positions and definitely not on the leadership teams.
Women were relegated to silent tasks–cooking for potlucks, funerals, and weddings, cleaning the church, and taking care of the children.
While those examples of silence are pretty apparent, recognizing how women have been forced into euphemism and circumlocution might not be as obvious or might not be something you’ve ever thought about. Let me give you a few examples:
There was a “Ladies’ Ministry,” and that might seem innocent at first until you think about the connotations associated with “being a lady.”
Women were referred to as “the weaker vessel”
Whenever there was a Ladies’ event, the men would talk about how they had to stay away because it would be full of crying, crocheting, and “girly” stuff
Women were referred to as “Directors” instead of ministers or pastors
Whenever a woman spoke her mind, thought for herself, or opposed the theology, she was considered “out of line,” she needed to “submit to the leadership of her husband,” or she was being “swayed by the world and she should be in the world but not of the world.”
Growing up, and even still today at times, I watched as women in the church were silenced and pushed to the margins over and over again.
Their only voice was the voice of their husband.
Their only thoughts were the thoughts of the church or their husband.
Their only purpose was for quiet, often menial work, men didn’t want to do.
This is different from the example Jesus set for us during his time on earth.
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Jesus Gave Women a Place and Voice
As an adult who has reclaimed her voice, it’s baffling to me that the church I grew up in screamed as loudly as they could that we were supposed to “be like Jesus,” yet they ignored the character of Christ and how he related to, interacted with, blessed women and utilized them in his ministry.
There are entire books written on the culture of Jesus’ day. If you haven’t spent some time researching what life was like, the cultural norms, and the laws related to men and women of that time, I would highly recommend it. It’s so eye-opening, and it helps in our understanding of the different texts and letters that have become our Bible today.
Too often, our churches have a laser focus on Paul’s letter to a specific church while ignoring the actual works, words, and relationships of Jesus.
That is highly problematic.
I could write an entire series on Jesus’ interaction with women (and I just might…), but here are some of the highlights.
Jesus had Women as Disciples.
Soon afterward, Jesus began a ministry tour throughout the country, visiting cities and villages to announce the wonderful news of God’s kingdom. His twelve disciples traveled with him as did a number of women who had been healed of many illnesses and set free from demonic power. One of the women was Mary who was from the village of Magdala, from whom Jesus had cast out seven demons. Among the women were Susanna and Joanna, the wife of Chusa, who managed King Herod’s household. Many other women who supported Jesus’ ministry from their own personal finances also traveled with him.
Luke 8:1-3 TPT
This is one of those places where an understanding of culture and times is important. It would have been considered an incredibly high honor to accompany a Rabbi throughout his ministry, and it was an honor the culture of the day reserved for men.
Jesus broke through the cultural barriers by mentoring these women, by welcoming them alongside him in his ministry, and by elevating them to a place of equality with men.
Also, of note here, is verse 3 where we find out it was the women who were supporting Jesus’ ministry financially–from their own finances. Notice there is no mention here of men financially supporting this ministry or of these women getting the money from their husbands/fathers/male relatives.
Counter-cultural, friends.
Women Ministered in Jesus’ Presence
John records the story of the woman at the well in chapter 4. After the interaction between Jesus and this woman, John tells us this:
All at once, the woman left her water jar and ran off to her village and told everyone, “Come and meet a man at the well who told me everything I’ve ever done! He could be the One we’ve been waiting for.” Hearing this, the people came streaming out of the village to go see Jesus.
John 4:28-30 TPT
Many from the Samaritan village became believers in Jesus because of the woman’s testimony: “He told me everything I ever did!” Then they begged Jesus to stay with them, so he stayed there for two days, resulting in many more coming to faith in him because of his message.
John 4:39-41 TPT
This is another story where we could discuss the “worthiness” of this woman and the cultural norms Jesus was breaking, but, instead, let’s focus on what happens after this interaction.
After her interaction, this woman runs into town, the town that she was avoiding, by the way–and tells everyone about Christ–not just the women and children–everyone.
Do you know what we don’t see happening here?
We don’t see Jesus scolding her for preaching to males over 18.
We don’t see Jesus only saving the women and children she pastored.
What we do see is many people from the Samaritan becoming believers because of that one woman.
Jesus didn’t Marginalize Women; He Empowered Them:
There are several stories where Jesus pulls women into the center of the narrative from their culturally prescribed place in the margins to center them with him in the narrative. We see this in Mark 5 when the woman with the bleeding problem reaches out to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment and is healed.
We also see this when Jesus is at Simon’s house for dinner and the woman washes Jesus’ feet with her hair and her perfume. The amount of cultural mores that were stomped on in this story is monumental: the woman’s reputation, letting her hair down in front of men, touching a rabbi, just to name a few.
Jesus’ response to the judgment from the Pharisees here is epic, though. He has no judgment for this marginalized woman–only love, acceptance, grace, and forgiveness.
Jesus centers her in his narrative here, replacing the Pharisee’s judgment with the power of grace.
Jesus Entrusted Women with His Resurrection News:
This is one of my favorite stories. John tells us that after Jesus rose, Mary came to the tomb unaware. After he talks to her for a minute,
Jesus cautioned her, “Mary, don’t cling to me, for I haven’t yet ascended to God, my Father. And he’s not only my Father and God, but now he’s your Father and your God! Now go to my brothers and tell them what I’ve told you, that I am ascending to my Father—and your Father, to my God—and your God!”
Then Mary Magdalene left to inform the disciples of her encounter with Jesus. “I have seen the Lord!” she told them. And she gave them his message.
What does this tell us about Jesus’ opinion of Mary, his trust in her, his love of her?
John 20: 17-18 TPT
In the verses right before this, John explains how Mary didn’t recognize Jesus in his resurrected form. He had to tell Mary who he was. If Jesus wanted to wait for a man to show up, he could have. He didn’t do that, though, because there was no need.
He trusted his friend and disciple, Mary, with the news of his resurrection. He sent her to be his mouthpiece to the men.
Jesus didn’t silence women; he gave them a voice.
In a time when women had few rights, Jesus
Saw them.
Empowered them.
Spoke through them.
Trusted them.
Isn’t it about time we start doing the same today?
Isn’t that what it looks like to be like Jesus?
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Reclaiming Our Voices
Friends, if you have been silenced and marginalized in your faith community or by faith leaders, I see you, and I’m sorry. I would sit with each of you and hold space for each and every one of you. Of all the things I’m working to reclaim in my life as I continue on this reconstruction journey, my voice has been the most important to me. While it hasn’t always been the most challenging one for me, it has always been the one that has given me the most agency.
I pray that as you work to reclaim your voice, you cling to these truths of who Jesus was on this earth and how he empowered women.
No man, institution, faith community, politician, etc… can take that truth away from you.
Jesus never limited individuals based on their gender, he never pushed women into the margins or the periphery, and he never waited for a man to appear before sending a woman to minister on his behalf.
Sidenote**I recognize there are other forces and leaders that have silenced individuals in ways unrelated to gender–I see you too, and I recognize the trauma of your struggles as well.**
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Reflections:
When have you experienced/witnessed marginalization, silence, euphemism, or circumlocution in a faith community?
How does the narrative shift with the recognition that Jesus empowered women and had women as disciples?
What now? What happens for you now that you have an understanding of Jesus’ relationships with women?
