The Masks We Wear: How Pride and Performance Hurt our Faith Communities

The Masks We Wear: How Pride and Performance Hurt Our Faith Communities

Last Sunday morning, my husband Russ and I walked through our front door. He turned on the TV while I headed to the kitchen to check on the chili simmering in the crockpot.

From the living room, I heard a familiar booming voice from the TV followed by Russ's laughter. “Yes, we got home at just the right time!” he called out.

I groaned, recognizing the familiar southern drawl of a preacher promising God's blessings in exchange for faith-filled obedience.

“Turn it off!” I yelled through laughter. “Make it stop!”

Russ quickly changed the channel to NFL Gameday and joined me in the kitchen.

“That reminds me of that church we visited in November,” he said. “The second we walked in, it felt fake—like everyone was putting on masks.”

I nodded, understanding all too well.

Growing up in an ultra-legalistic evangelical church taught me how to wear masks—pretending everything was fine while silently bearing the weight of pride, perfectionism, and spiritual exhaustion. Church wasn’t a place for authenticity; it was a stage for performance.

Pride and Performance: The Unspoken Motto

“Fake it ‘til you make it” might be a harmless phrase in some contexts, but it’s become an unspoken motto in many faith communities. Humility is replaced by over-the-top performance, and authenticity takes a backseat to appearances.

Jesus spoke directly to this in the Gospels, calling out the Pharisees who prayed loudly in public, thanking God that they weren’t “like those sinners” (Luke 18:11). He condemned their showy tithing on spices while neglecting justice, mercy, and faithfulness (Matthew 23:23).

It’s easy to point fingers at others, but if we’re honest, pride has a way of creeping into our own hearts and actions.

Photo by Luis Alberto Sánchez Terrones on Unsplash

A Lesson in Humility

This week, I was reminded of God’s heart for humility while reading Luke 10.

In this passage, Jesus sends out 70 disciples to prepare the way for His ministry. Despite feeling vulnerable, like lambs among wolves (Luke 10:3), they returned “ecstatic with joy” (Luke 10:17 TPT), amazed at how God had worked through them.

Jesus responded with a prayer:
“Father, thank you, for you are Lord Supreme over heaven and earth! You have hidden the great revelation of this authority from those who are proud, those wise in their own eyes, and you have shared it with these who humbled themselves. Yes, Father. This is what pleases your heart: to give these things to those who are like trusting children.” (Luke 10:21 TPT)

God’s authority was given to the humble—not the proud. This prayer challenges me to examine my own heart.

How Pride Shows Up

Pride doesn’t always look like arrogance. It can be subtle:

• Wearing masks to hide struggles.

• Plastering fake smiles to project strength.

• Refusing to admit failure out of fear.

• Pretending to have it all together to avoid judgment.

At its core, pride says, “What will people think if they see the real me?”

But God calls us to a different way—to abandon our masks and come to Him with the honesty and humility of a child.

Photo by David Beale on Unsplash

Why Humility Matters

Little children haven’t learned to filter, mask emotions, or act superior. They are authentic, trusting, and raw. They rely on others to meet their needs without ulterior motives.

This is the kind of humility God desires in us and our faith communities.

A Challenge for Faith Communities

If you’ve experienced church hurt, spiritual abuse, or religious trauma, you may be painfully familiar with the opposite of this ideal. Inauthenticity, judgment, and pride are all too common in places meant to reflect God’s love.

Recently, I saw a Facebook post with a picture of a tattooed, pierced woman and a caption saying, “No matter who you are or what you’ve done, you can sit with me in church.”

While the message is beautiful, it’s heartbreaking that such an invitation even needs to be said. Authenticity, grace, and unconditional love should be the norm in our churches—not the exception.

Instead of mimicking the Pharisees with their “I’m glad I’m not like them” attitudes, let’s strive to embody the humility of the tax collector who prayed, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13).

Reflection Questions

1. How does pride show up in your life?

2. How authentic are you and your faith community?

3. How can we recognize and address pride in ourselves and others?