Simplifying Your Holiday Season: Setting Healthy Boundaries
As I stared at the clock, I began strategically planning my day. Writing, coaching, and family obligations all demanded attention, and Thanksgiving was just three days away. Hosting over 20 family members meant juggling an already-packed schedule. Sound familiar?
When I started hosting Thanksgiving, I didn’t realize how critical it was to spread out preparations. Those first few years were a blur of early mornings and frantic tasks, leaving me barely enough time to shower before guests arrived.
Now, I spread the prep work over three days: smoking the meat, setting up tables and chairs, decorating, and pre-cooking as much as possible. While the festivities are joyful and filled with family bonding, they’re also exhausting—and the moment Thanksgiving wraps up, the Christmas planning begins.
Overwhelmed by Obligations
This year, as my husband Russ and I reviewed our December calendar, it became evident we had too many commitments and not enough time. Something had to give. That meant setting boundaries—and inevitably, disappointing people.
Boundaries are hard. Many of us feel compelled to please others, often at the expense of our own well-being. But I want to encourage you:
You can set reasonable boundaries.
You can implement them with kindness.
You can eliminate chaos and breathe this holiday season.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Embracing the Power of “No”
Saying no isn’t easy, especially when you fear letting someone down. But here’s the truth: God doesn’t intend for us to do everything. Nowhere in Scripture are we called to shoulder every responsibility.
Ephesians 4:11 reminds us, “And he has appointed some with grace to be apostles, and some with grace to be prophets, and some with grace to be evangelists, and some with grace to be pastors, and some with grace to be teachers.”
Just as we are called to different ministries, our holiday responsibilities differ. No one is called to do it all. If a request causes you anxiety or feels misaligned with your priorities, let me encourage you to just say no.
How to Say No with Grace
Responding with humility, patience, and love is key to setting boundaries effectively. For example:
To a choir director asking for help with the children’s Christmas song: “Thank you for considering me, but I promised my kids I would watch them in the service this year.”
To a family member asking you to cook the ham: “I’m honored you trust me with this, but I’ve committed to attending church on Christmas morning. I can’t do both, but I’m happy to help brainstorm other options.”
The key is in the delivery. By packaging your no with gentleness and love, you’re more likely to foster understanding and avoid resentment.
Photo by Josh Boot on Unsplash
Boundaries with Family
Saying no to family can be especially challenging. But Ephesians 4:31-32 reminds us: “Lay aside bitter words, temper tantrums, revenge, profanity, and insults. Instead, be kind and affectionate toward one another.”
Implementing boundaries doesn’t mean abandoning kindness. Here are examples:
Skipping a large family gathering: Explain your choice and offer an alternative time to celebrate together.
Scaling back on hosting: Communicate your needs and encourage others to share responsibilities.
Opting out of gift exchanges: Be transparent about financial or time constraints while emphasizing your love for your family.
The goal is healthy communication—sharing your needs with kindness and clarity.
Managing Responses
You can’t control how others react to your boundaries. Some may respond with guilt trips or frustration. Remember, the only thing you can control is your own attitude and actions. When faced with negativity:
Stay true to your decision.
Respond with gentleness.
Avoid retaliating with anger or passive aggression.
By prioritizing healthy choices, you’re taking meaningful steps toward reducing holiday chaos and cultivating peace.
Photo by Frédéric Dupont on Unsplash
This Season, Choose Peace
The holidays don’t have to leave you feeling drained. By setting boundaries, you allow space for stillness and joy. Give yourself permission to say no, to be still, and to breathe.
This year, let’s focus on what truly matters—faith, family, and the peace that comes from honoring our limits.
Reflection Questions:
What boundary do you need to set this holiday season?
What are your fears about setting this boundary?
How can you approach the situation with gentleness and love?
