Reclaiming Our Minds: Healing from Religious Trauma
I grew up in the 80s and 90s when families ate dinner at the kitchen table whenever possible, when going to McDonald’s was the extent of “eating out,” and when social engagement happened in person or over the landline.
Our family dinners were atomic.
They typically started out with an innocent statement or question and quickly turned charged with more drama than a Republican Presidential Debate.
I learned the art of argument and debate by learning to survive at the supper table.
It was a lot.
There were four of us at the dinner table nightly–my mom and dad, my brother and me. Three of the four of us were vicious. We took no prisoners.
And then there was my poor mom who regularly left the table in tears.
Not our best or most Jesus-like behavior.
What I learned as a survival technique around my childhood dinner table was to process information very quickly, to think on my feet in stressful situations, and to think critically as quickly as possible.
As an adult, while I still tap into those qualities, I’ve also been through therapy and understand those communication techniques aren’t exactly the best…or overly healthy! Rest assured, friends, that is not what our dinner table looks like now.
Also, as an adult, when I look back and think about my childhood, I can see how I was taught to think for myself.
Somehow, though, I ignored those skills completely when it came to toxic church theology.
There were so many red flags, so many ideals that just didn’t make sense. I had been brainwashed not to question those ideals, though. Even though I could think critically in every other area of my life, it was like there was a mental wall that literally kept me from thinking critically about theology.
I was so naive and so trained to think a specific way that it wasn’t until I was eighteen that I first questioned any aspect of what I was being taught. I was sitting in a Sunday School class for high schoolers that was taught by a guy in his late twenties and early thirties who had no training/education other than what he learned in my church. He was explaining to us that when his wife gets out of line, he spanks her–as a disciplinary technique for correction.
I was out of that room before he could say another word.
But, even looking back on this, I disagreed with his teaching because it was absurd, obviously, and not at all what I believed a marriage should look like. What he was saying wasn’t anything my church had preached (miraculously), but it was something I knew I couldn’t sit back and listen to week in and week out.
I never returned to that class.
You might think this was the obvious start of my deconstruction journey and the point where I started to think for myself beyond my church’s theology, but somehow it wasn’t. It was decades later when that began–when I gave myself permission to use the mind God gave me to discern truth.
One of the most difficult, but most beneficial, aspects of my deconstruction and then reconstruction journey was reclaiming the trust in my own mind–the freedom that comes with the permission to question, to seek answers, and to trust where God guides me in my search.
There is danger in simply following the theology of a faith community without using the minds God has given us to process and analyze it. When I hear people questioning deconstruction, labeling deconstructionists as heretics, or praying over the deconstructionist as the “prodigal child,” I find it baffling. It makes me want to look at these people and ask them what they’re afraid of.
The reality is that truth will withstand the process.
Shouldn’t that be what we’re all after–truth?
Friends, reclaiming our minds and trusting our own brains and processes is an integral part of analyzing and working toward healing after religious trauma.
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The Mind and the Spirit
Life is different here in the 21st century than it was in the previous centuries.
We have biblical commentary, Greek and Hebrew translations, and scholarly articles at our fingertips. Within a matter of minutes, I can have tabs open with 5 different Bible translations, 3 different bible commentaries, and an array of blog posts, sermons, and articles on every topic imaginable.
Years ago, I had a pastor who stole all his sermons from online, and I could sit in the service on a Sunday morning and find his sermon within the first five minutes. On a side note–I wouldn’t suggest this.
In the past, our access to information came through physical books and scholarly articles in libraries, and our blind trust was in the leaders of our churches. I was an adult when it occurred to me that much of my spiritual formation was influenced by white men without so much as a high school diploma who had never been out of the state and rarely crossed county lines.
It was sobering.
There was an undercurrent throughout the church that the members could read the Bible as long as it was read through the lens of their accepted theology and that we were to accept the interpretation, traditions, and theological ideals as the gospel itself.
Ironically, though, this wasn’t the intended design of the church. In Romans 2, Paul tells us to
…be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.
Romans 12:12 TPT
I’ve spent the last several months studying Galatians 2, and one of my key takeaways from Paul’s discussion is the difference between living for the self and living in the Spirit. The more I’ve studied Paul’s writings, the more I’ve seen how the necessity to live life in the Spirit permeates so much of his teachings.
This teaching to the Romans is no different. Again, Paul is urging his readers to be transformed by the Holy Spirit, explaining that this transformation will completely reform how we think.
That life guided by the Holy Spirit is imperative.
I want to draw your attention to the result of that guidance, though, the part where Paul explains this transformation empowers us to discern God’s will and live beautiful lives that are satisfying and perfect in his eyes.
For those of us who were discouraged from tapping into our own minds and thinking critically about scripture, this might be one of the most freeing concepts to cling to.
A life lived in the Spirit results in a mind filled with discernment.
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Mindful Nudges
For many of us who were taught to think and act a specific way due to high-control religion or theological brainwashing, the process of trusting our own minds can be daunting. We were taught that to entertain these thoughts was a trick of the devil.
The reality–based on scripture–is that the influence of Satan looks like:
Lies. There is no truth in him. John 8:44
Deceit: Matthew 24:24
Stealing, killing, and destroying: John 10:10
Sadly, these techniques probably look similar to what some of you have experienced in the church itself.
And, I hate that.
I hate that the mindful nudges of the Holy Spirit in some of our lives have been muted by the rules and regulations of toxic church theology.
The process of reclaiming our minds can only begin with that first step of trusting that the Holy Spirit will guide our thoughts and fill us with the discernment Paul spoke about in that letter to the Romans.
Trusting that and opening our hearts and minds to that guidance and discernment will allow us to recognize the nudges of the Holy Spirit, the freedom to question our theology, and the motivation to trust God to allow us to use our minds as he intended–to discern his will and live accordingly.
Friends, many of you have been taught to distrust your minds, to blindly follow a church or a specific theology, and to abandon the mind God gave you, but today I pray you can begin the freeing process of reclaiming your own mind. After all, it was Jesus who said we were to love God with all our hearts, all our souls, and all our minds (Mark 12:30-31).
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Reflection Questions:
Do you accept theology/church teachings without questioning them? Why/why not?
When have you struggled with allowing yourself to think your own thoughts in a faith community?
What is one step you want to take to begin to reclaim your mind?
Check out my ebook on the Fruit of the Spirit for more about how Paul teaches on a life lived by the guidance of the Holy Spirit!
