Kindness in Action: Fruit of the Spirit

It’s not uncommon for Kate to text me when she’s at her dad’s, out with friends, reading/watching Instagram Reels in her bedroom, or even sitting in the same room as me. Consequently, last week when I got a short little text from her, I wasn’t surprised.

I opened the text and was informed that she was very angry.

Now, she’s 17 and has a love affair with books, so it’s not uncommon for me to get an angry text because of some plot twist in a book she’s reading! 

This is real life.

So, I still wasn’t really overly concerned with what it was that had infuriated her–I can be equally infuriated by plot twists, character deaths, and villains in books as well. So, I get it.

Unfortunately, this was not a night where she was angry at an author or a character.

This was a tough one.

Parenting is hard.

Parenting a child of divorce can be especially hard.

Parenting a child of divorce and attempting to show kindness in actions can feel nearly impossible.

For the next couple of hours, I attempted to watch tv with Russ while also reading and responding to Kate’s outrage as judiciously as possible.

Finally, after a couple of hours of attempting to be the voice of reason, responding with logic, and consistently encouraging her to write down her feelings and what happened to share with her counselor this week, she finally just came over–one of the only perks of living across the road from your ex-husband. 

We sat for an hour as she vomited out her anger, hurt, and frustration, and offered her a safe place to listen without judgment, the hugs she really needed in that moment, and a little peace as she headed back across the road.

My gut reaction in these situations is not kindness in action.

It’s outrage.

While I listen to her recount her hurt, her frustration, and her own outrage, my emotions run the gambit:

• I’m angry because that’s my child.

• I’m triggered because I’ve lived in that house and experienced those same things.

• I’m heartbroken because she’s hurting.

• I’m impressed because she’s perceptive.

• I’m frustrated because I know some people will never change.

• I’m exasperated because I know no amount of love from us will make up for her experiences elsewhere.

It’s exhausting.

While it’s easy to show kindness in action to her, it feels nearly impossible to show any kindness to those individuals causing her so much stress, anxiety, hurt, and anger.

I got up the next morning after sleeping very little, drank my coffee, spent some time with Jesus, and then sat down at my computer in an attempt to write about kindness.

I promptly laughed out loud, shut my computer, and walked away for a few days–knowing I needed way more time with Jesus before tackling this subject.

I’ve found He’s like that sometimes.

The Root of Kindness

We’re smack dab in the middle of a study on the fruit of the spirit. If you missed the rest of the series, I would encourage you to at least check out the first article where I explain the context. You can grab that here:

https://kristenneighbarger.com/2023/07/05/whats-with-the-fruit-of-the-spirit-intro-context/

In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul talks about how the fruit of the spirit is love in action. He lists these ways our actions can show love:

But the fruit  produced by the Holy Spirit within you is divine love in all its varied expressions: 

joy that overflows, 

peace that subdues,

patience  that endures,

kindness  in action,

a life full of virtue, 

faith that prevails,

gentleness of heart, and

strength of spirit.

Galatians 5:22-23 (TPT)

The fifth characteristic of a Spirit-filled life here is “kindness in action.” This is translated from the Greek word “Chrēstotēs” which is defined as benignity, kindness, and usefulness. This is commonly connected to philanthropy and is the polar opposite of cutting something short. The most telling aspect of kindness, though, is this:

“It is the grace which pervades the whole nature, mellowing all which would be harsh and austere.” (The Complete Word Study Dictionary).

Kindness isn’t simply paying for someone’s coffee in the Tim Horton’s line (although that’s nice too); it’s a grace that is so pervasive that it saturates our whole nature.

It is a grace that is so saturating that it softens all our harsh and rigid places.

It’s the quality that allows you to look at:

• Your ex’s words and actions and feel pity, sympathy, and compassion because you see what a broken individual they are.

• Your child’s bully and see the pain in their heart and their lives.

• The annoying coworker and understand they are a flawed human being just like the rest of us.

• The “perfect” Pastor’s wife and realize they are desperately trying to fit a part while falling apart inside.

Kindness is both a tolerance of others as well as a concern for the welfare of others. 

Kindness in Action

If you’ve been around here for a while, then you know I love The Passion Translation, and I especially love how it translates the fruit of the spirit as “Love in action.”

What’s the point of all of this if our actions don’t show love? 

We can talk theology, we can go to church, we can memorize our Bibles, but if we aren’t so saturated with grace that our lives and actions are love and kindness in action, then I dare say we have missed the point entirely.

And, friends, that can be hard.

I wish I could sit here and tell you I am the epitome of love and kindness in action 100% of the time, but that would be a lie.

What I can tell you, though, is that these are qualities I want desperately to continue cultivating in my soul because until we cultivate these qualities in our hearts and souls, we’ll struggle to display them authentically in our actions.

There’s part of me that wants to give you a list right now of “5 ways to cultivate kindness in action,” but then there’s the realistic side of me who knows that the only way to cultivate kindness in action is to seek the Spirit of God and allow it to penetrate your heart and saturate your soul.

Instead of giving you a how-to list, I want to leave you with some questions to help you self-assess:

1. When you are annoyed by a coworker, how do you react? 

2. When someone hurts you or your family member, how do you respond to them? 

3. When you disagree with someone’s theology, what do you do?

4. When you see a homeless person on the street corner, what’s your gut reaction?

5. When someone has more than you, what is your response to their success?

6. When your kid doesn’t get as much playing time as their teammates, what is your reaction?

7. When someone points at your flaws, how do you handle it?

8. When you are passed over for a promotion, what do you do?

My gut reactions aren’t always kind, they aren’t always tolerant, they don’t always show a concern for the welfare of others. Sometimes, my heart definitely shows how it’s become hardened from life, but I know God’s desire for me is that my heart be softened and saturated with grace again.

Friend, I pray today that you are encouraged to take a look at your own heart, your own families, and your own churches and think about how saturated they are with grace. Are they places of kindness in action, or are they hardened to the world and to others? 

Reflections:

1. What is one aspect of your life that needs to be saturated with grace?

2. How well do your faith communities display kindness in action?

3. What is your biggest struggle when it comes to kindness?