Cultivated Relationships
I glanced down at my phone as the alarm was blaring at 1:30 pm in the middle of my day.
I closed my laptop and ventured out of the basement and into the kitchen to get the Apple Cider Braised Pork Butt into the oven by 2:00 pm so it could cook for the three hours it needed to be fork tender by dinner when our friends would arrive.
Quickly, I reread the directions for the dish and then set out to prepare it.
30 minutes later, the oven was preheated, and I was putting the pork in the oven where it would stay for the rest of the afternoon while I headed back to the basement to get a little more work done before my next alarm went off, alerting me it was time to head back up the stairs and finish dinner.
At 5:00 pm, I pulled the Dutch oven of pork out and let it rest on the stovetop for 30 minutes, like the recipe ordered. I already had the Paula Deen Peach Cobbler in the oven, where it would continue to bake for another 30 minutes. The homemade Hawaiian rolls were on the counter, and I was waiting for the potatoes to get tender enough to mash.
Finally, at 5:25 pm, I was putting the Iced Tea by the cups, pulling out serving spoons, checking on the peach cobbler, and putting a lid on the potatoes right as our friends pulled into the driveway.
Perfect timing.
Missy, Brent, and Grace walked in the front door as our dog, Lucy, went psychotic because she was so happy to see them–like she always does whenever they come over. Within just a few minutes, we were all standing around the bar with our plates in hand, ready to share a meal–like we do every week.
We sat down at the table, and I immediately said, “So, tell us all about your weekend trip,” because they had gone away the previous weekend. Before they could tell us any details, though, Missy stopped and said, “Oh, no, we need to hear about your disastrous anniversary trip before we tell you about our great trip!”
We all laughed, I sighed, rolled my eyes, and shook my head as I proceeded to delve into all the details of our anniversary weekend shenanigans.
These are our people.
These are the relationships we deliberately cultivate.
Because people and relationships are important.
Cultivating them requires energy, time, empathy, finances, compassion, and love.
Purposeful Time with Your People
I don’t know about you, but I know I’m guilty of ignoring the human side of Christ to focus on the whole “God” side of Christ. It’s so easy for me to read over certain details of stories about Jesus without giving them so much as a second thought.
I want to talk with you about a story you’ve probably heard thousands of times if you’ve been in the church long. I’m sure this will surprise you, but I want to focus on a part of it we don’t talk much about (or talk about at all).
Right now, I want you to think about all the details you know about the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000.
Did you think about them?
Now, I want you to read the verse before those details you were probably thinking about.
Months later, the apostles returned from their ministry tour and told Jesus all the wonders and miracles they had witnessed. Jesus, wanting to be alone with the Twelve, quietly slipped away with them toward Bethsaida.
Luke 9:10 TPT
I spent the last two weeks talking about Jesus preparing the Apostles for their ministry, but this is what happens when they return from those months of ministry away from Christ. I read quite a few different translations of this passage and some commentary on it just to make sure I wasn’t way off with this one.
The Apostles return from their months of ministry, and Jesus wants to be alone with them.
He quietly slips away from the crowd to spend time with His friends.
Feeding the Soul Through Relationships
As I was reading and rereading this one short verse, I kept picturing this scene in my mind. I’m trying to wrap my head around how excited these guys had to be. They had just spent months ministering on their own, and during those months of ministry, they experienced what was probably a ton of miracles and wonders. Finally, they make their way back to Jesus.
They had to be so friggin’ excited to tell Him about all of it.
I can see these young, uneducated, and tad bit edgy guys talking over each other, correcting each other, and being genuinely stoked to tell Jesus all about their trip. Here’s what absolutely stopped me in my tracks as I was reading this, though: Jesus quietly slipped away from the masses because He wanted to sit and listen to His friends and hear their stories.
Just think about this with me: There are oodles of people around–like 5,000 men and likely as many women and children. We don’t know exactly what was happening before the Apostles showed up on the scene, but I think it’s safe to assume Jesus was probably teaching, healing, speaking to individuals, etc., because that’s what He does elsewhere.
Somehow, the Apostles made it through this ginormous crowd to Christ, and they were STOKED! Jesus stopped what He was doing and He quietly slipped away from the masses to be with His friends, listen to them, and give them His undivided attention.
Even though crowds were waiting to hear from and be healed by Christ.
Have you ever thought about this before?
Honestly, I really hadn’t.
And, you might be sitting there right now wondering why this is important.
Relationships–those are why this is important.
This rag-tag bunch of misfits were Jesus’s friends. They were His people, His circle. I have to think the human side of Him missed them while they were gone, and He was genuinely excited to hang out with them and hear all about their trips.
But, I also think the Apostles had to be chomping at the bit to tell their friend and Messiah all about their experiences. So, He tried to slip off quietly to spend some quality time with His people.
When was the last time you slipped off quietly to spend some quality time with your people?
Man, I don’t know what it is about our world today, but for some reason, we have made it so difficult to take time for ourselves and our people and not feel guilty about it. And, I’m not talking about your spouse or your family. I’m talking about our friendships beyond those relationships. The ones we need to feed our souls. The ones beyond those inside our four walls.
Why don’t we prioritize time with our circle?
Why don’t we cultivate those relationships feeding our souls?
I think there are a variety of reasons:
We’re so overscheduled it’s not even funny.
We feel selfish.
We’ve gone so long without feeding those relationships that it feels awkward to do it now.
We feel guilty for taking time for ourselves and our friends instead of spending it with our family.
We don’t realize we need to make it a priority.
Does this resonate with anyone?
I spent years of my life feeling this way and ignoring important relationships in my life, and, frankly, it sucked. So, I do life differntly now.
And, you can too.
Prioritizing Your Circle
I can’t remember where I heard this idea–probably therapy, honestly– but it’s stuck with me: You never have to tell someone what your priorities are. Your actions reveal them.
I’ve thought about this idea so much, and it rings so true. You can say something/someone is a priority, but if you aren’t actively making them a priority, they clearly aren’t a priority. You might ideally want them to be a priority, but they aren’t a priority in reality.
This can be a really tough pill to swallow, can’t it?
I think our friendships and relationships fall into this category way too often.
We get busy.
We find ourselves immersed in work.
We’re overwhelmed with our kids’ schedules.
We’re overcommitted to ministry.
We’re overscheduled in every area of our lives.
Constantly, we find ourselves responding to the relationships we should be making time for and scheduling other things around with the stereotypical, “We need to get together soon.”
But, we don’t get together.
We don’t call.
We don’t text.
Then, so much time has passed it’s just awkward, and we feel guilty, and the cycle continues.
But, we see their posts on social media, and we do the obligatory like here, love there, and occasional comment. Our world has traded real relationships for these obligatory likes and comments on Facebook posts.
How sad?
We have a standing weekly dinner date with our friends. It’s not always easy. Sometimes, we only have one night a week free, but we choose to spend it with them. Why? Because it’s truly a priority for all of us. Because we understand the importance of feeding our souls and continuously cultivating our relationships. Sometimes we cook, sometimes we go out, and sometimes we order pizza. Sometimes we talk for an hour, and sometimes it’s hours and hours. Why? Because we understand the importance of seeing each other and meeting each other’s needs. Because we understand Jesus’s reaction to seeing his friends and His desire to slip away and spend some time with them.
What about you?
Are you feeding and cultivating your relationships?
Or, are you currently watching as they wither and die?
Friends, this is so important. It was important enough to Jesus, He left a crowd of thousands to attempt to connect with His circle. I can’t even imagine how it happened or what it looked like, but I think it’s pretty darn cool.
This is my prayer for you this week: you choose to make your people a priority.
Not just your work.
Not just your kids’ sporting events.
Not just your family.
Not just your ministry.
Not just your volunteer work.
But, your friends.
Reflections:
How well do you prioritize your relationships with your closest friends?
What needs to change in your life and schedule for you to make them a priority?
What is your biggest distraction and impediment to cultivating these relationships?
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