Choosing Gratitude
I hate cliches.
I haven’t done a psychological deep dive on this, but I suspect it might be because my church upbringing revolved around things like:
God won’t give you more than you can handle.
Hate the sin; love the sinner.
When God closes a door, he opens a window.
Let go and let God.
Fully Rely on God
Jesus Others You
Or, it could be because I grew up in the 90s, the Christian Bookstore heydey which meant there was never a short supply of:
Jeremiah 29:11 stickers, wall hangings, and bumper stickers
Cringy religious t-shirts
Promise rings
Cross jewelry
WWJD bracelets
Testamints (those are still my favorite cringy Christian merch)
Affliction brand attire
I’m shaking my head just thinking about all of these because I was a huge victim of all these cringy Christian culture merchandising schemes! It pains me to admit it now, but I dumped way too much money into all this stuff in my teens!
Bless it.
To be honest, now I have an almost physical reaction to most of this stuff, and I’ve spent years feeling the same way about the 30 days of Gratitude posts I’ve seen for years on Facebook. But, when God nudges me to do something, I find it’s better to agree. So, here we are, nearing the end of November, and I’m (begrudgingly–ironic, I know) writing a gratitude post.
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Why Gratitude Matters
I have had the unfortunate privilege of being close–in proximity and relationship–to several individuals who lack gratitude. You might say they were a bit pessimistic. Being around these people was exhausting. It didn’t matter how much was going right, they could find the one negative in any and every situation.
For example:
We could be at dinner at a beautiful restaurant, and they would identify the one piece of steak that had a sliver of fat on it.
We could be in the middle of a beautiful worship service, and they would call out the one item of clothing that had a slight wrinkle in it.
We could be enjoying the sunshine, and they would complain about the heat.
We could find a great sale, and they would find the one item not on sale and complain about the price.
Have you been there?
Are there names popping into your mind right now?
Or, maybe you’re having that realization that you’re that person in your relationships and you’re wondering what’s even wrong with those statements!
And, next, you’re going to try to convince me you aren’t a pessimist, you’re just a realist…I know how this works!
Whether you are an optimist, realist, or pessimist, gratitude matters.
Or, maybe you’re recovering from church hurt/religious toxicity, and you spent years walking into a church where all you ever heard preached was how bad people are, how you should live your life in fear of hell, and how broken and unworthy you are.
It’s hard to be grateful when you’ve been indoctrinated to believe you are innately awful and scared to death that you’ll forget to ask for forgiveness one time and end up in hell, isn’t it?
For those of you recovering from that, I see you, and I’d love to give you some hope today.
I love what Paul says in Colossians 3:
You are always and dearly loved by God! So robe yourself with virtues of God, since you have been divinely chosen to be holy. Be merciful as you endeavor to understand others, and be compassionate, showing kindness toward all. Be gentle and humble, unoffendable in your patience with others. Tolerate the weaknesses of those in the family of faith, forgiving one another in the same way you have been graciously forgiven by Jesus Christ. If you find fault with someone, release this same gift of forgiveness to them. For love is supreme and must flow through each of these virtues. Love becomes the mark of true maturity.
Let your heart be always guided by the peace of the Anointed One, who called you to peace as part of his one body. And always be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-14 TPT
The Passion Translation refers to these qualities as the “virtues of God.” Eugene Peterson refers to them as “the wardrobe of God” in The Message. The ESV, NIV, and AMP tell us to “put on” these qualities, to clothe ourselves with them:
Merciful in understanding others
Compassionate
Showing kindness to all
Gentle
Humble
Unoffendable in patience with others
Tolerant of weakness
Forgiving
Loving
Guided by the peace of Christ
Thankful
Do you know what I don’t see on this list?
Grumbling
Criticizing
Complaining
Comparing
Fighting
Nit-picking
Fear-mongering
It’s easy to be pessimistic or ungrateful when we are relentlessly exposed to pastors/teachers who or we allow ourselves to grumble, criticize, complain, etc, but it’s really hard to be negative and ungrateful when we’re completely clothed in compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility, and love.
In fact, I would go so far as to say gratitude is a natural result of clothing ourselves in those qualities of God.
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Gratitude is a Choice
I know I’ve heard people claim that they are naturally a pessimist or naturally a realist. They make the argument that their pessimism is in their DNA. I feel like we could get into a giant nature vs. nurture debate here, but instead of doing that, I’d rather look at what Paul wrote in his letter to the Philippians:
Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will guard your heart and mind through Jesus Christ. Keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him always.
Philippians 4:6-8 TPT
Whether our optimism or pessimism is innate or learned, Paul makes it clear that we have to choose gratitude, and we choose it by:
Being saturated in prayer throughout our day
Offering our requests to God with overflowing gratitude
For some of us, that seems difficult and almost impossible to do, but Paul goes on to explain how we can achieve that. We have to keep our minds focused on thoughts that are:
Authentic and real
Honorable and admirable
Beautiful and respectful
Pure and holy
Merciful and kind
Focused on the glorious works of God
Praising God always
This work on our thought life makes choosing gratitude easier and much more natural because, again, we aren’t grumbling, complaining, and criticizing. Instead, we are turning our thoughts continuously to positive things instead of getting overwhelmed with the negative.
And, I think it’s definitely cyclical. When we find ourselves being overcome by the negative, if we catch it and start focusing instead on the things we are grateful for, it shifts our attitude and mindset completely. But, also, if we begin our day with these thoughts of gratitude, it helps keep the negative thoughts and the pessimism at bay.
Regardless, gratitude always begins with a choice–our choice.
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Daily Gratitude
While I still refuse to do 30 days of gratitude because I’m stubborn and hard-headed, I would love to have 365 days of gratitude in my life every year. I would love to get up in the morning every day and begin my day with one simple thought of gratitude.
Just one thing.
Instead of social media.
Instead of letting the dog out immediately.
Instead of heading straight to the coffee pot.
Instead of watching the news.
Before any of that, I would love to thank God for just one thing, to begin my day with gratitude.
Who’s with me?
Let’s change the narrative this year, friends.
Let’s begin each day with gratitude and see what happens.
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Reflections:
Do you consider yourself an optimist, pessimist, or realist? Why?
What is your biggest struggle with gratitude?
What is one step you can take to have more gratitude in your life?
