Breaking Free from Legalism: Learning to Love Like Jesus

My mom and dad were first-generation college graduates—my mom by choice and my dad by force.

They started dating at 14 and, by the time they graduated high school, were set on getting married. But there was one obstacle: my dad didn’t have the college degree my mom insisted on before saying, "I do."

So, begrudgingly, he got his degree.

Then, he went right back to working in the family drywall business, while my mom—ironically—dropped out of college.

Let that one sink in.

The Pursuit of Success at Any Cost

This same relentless drive for achievement was ever-present in my house growing up. But it wasn’t really about a love for learning—it was about earning that official piece of paper that deemed us successful and worthy.

We were raised to chase success.

That isn’t inherently bad. But when that mindset collided with our unwavering loyalty to a legalistic church, it became a recipe for disaster.

At home, we were taught to overachieve. In church, we were taught to perform, please, follow the rules, and climb the ranks of religious status. The result? A generation of box-checkers obsessed with achievement but lacking depth, connection, and grace.

We mastered the game—academics, extracurriculars, work, service, leadership.

But we failed at:

• Slowing down

• Authentic connection

• Admitting weakness

• Embracing failure

• Seeing and loving the least of these

• Being present

We knew how to look good. We knew how to check the boxes. We knew how to win at Christianity.

We were modern-day Pharisees.

And we had no idea.

Photo by Crystal de Passillé-Chabot on Unsplash

Jesus’ Warning to the Pharisees

Luke 11 gives us a powerful account of Jesus confronting the Pharisees. Unlike His usual messages of hope, healing, grace, and love, here, Jesus is frustrated—deeply frustrated.

At a Pharisee’s house, Jesus sat down to eat without performing the customary cleansing ritual. The Pharisee called Him out, and Jesus responded with some of His most direct and convicting words:

“You Pharisees are like those who will wipe clean only the outside of a cup or bowl, leaving the inside filthy. You are foolish to ignore the greed and wickedness within you! Shouldn’t the one who cleans the outside also clean the inside? If you free your heart of greed, show compassion and true generosity to the poor, you will have more than clean hands; you will be clean within.

You Pharisees are hypocrites! For you are obsessed with peripheral issues, like paying meticulous tithes on the smallest herbs that grow in your gardens. Of course, these matters you should do, but when you unjustly cheat others, you ignore the most important duty of all: to walk in the love of God. Readjust your values and place first things first.

You Pharisees are hypocrites! You love to be honored before others with titles of respect, seeking public recognition, aspiring to seem more important than others.

You Pharisees, what hypocrites! Your true character is hidden, like an unmarked grave that hides the corruption inside, defiling all who come in contact with you.” (Luke 11:39-44 TPT)

Mic. Drop.

What This Means for Us

Jesus wasn’t speaking in parables here. He wasn’t vague or soft-spoken.

He called them out directly:

• You are greedy and wicked.

• You obsess over religious rules but ignore love and justice.

• You seek public recognition.

• Your character is corrupt.

• You defile those around you.

Harsh? Yes. But also crystal clear.

And yet, doesn’t this description sound eerily familiar in today’s world? So many people claim Christ but live just like the Pharisees:

• Greedy and self-serving

• Lacking compassion

• Hyper-focused on rules instead of relationships

• Dishonest in their dealings

• Obsessed with image and status

• Spiritually corrupt

It’s everywhere, isn’t it?

Photo by Akira Hojo on Unsplash

The Call to Change

We can’t force others to change. But we can commit to following Jesus’ actual words in our own lives:

• Show compassion and generosity

• Walk in love with God

• Readjust our values

• Place first things first

A Personal Reflection

Looking back at my years in legalism, I’m stunned by how much scripture I could recite, how many church attendance awards I won, and how quickly I could shut down opposing arguments.

But I’m also ashamed.

Ashamed of the judgment I cast. Ashamed of the lack of grace I gave. Ashamed of how little I truly loved like Jesus.

I don’t want to be that person ever again.

A Challenge for You

Taking a hard look at who you are, what you believe, and how you live isn’t easy—especially when stripping away the layers of influence from church, family, culture, and politics.

But today, I challenge you to do just that.

Step back. Remove the filters. Ask yourself:

• Do my values reflect the love, generosity, and compassion Jesus commands?

• Am I more focused on rules and appearances than on genuine faith and love?

• Where in my life have I prioritized success and recognition over true connection and kindness?

• How can I better embody the heart of Jesus in my daily interactions?

Do my values reflect the love, generosity, and compassion Jesus commands?

If not, let today be the day you readjust.

Put first things first.

Love like Jesus. Be generous. Show compassion.

Because that’s what really matters.